It was a year ago, yesterday, that we shared our excitement about Eva on social media. I look at this photo and it reminds me of the new beginnings we thought we were going to be having with our little girl, and the beginnings we now have as we grieve her. It especially hits hard at places with lots of young families, like the water park we were at yesterday for our son’s birthday. All the adorable babies surrounding me as we catch each other’s gazes. It’s like the babies know I need them to look at me. We smile, and play. I stop to think what it would be like with a six-month-old right now. Then I remind myself that Eva would not be like these babies, and I try to stay in the present. I’m hell bent on accepting things as they are, but the reality is I long for my little girl, the little sister, someone I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl. We had her and we lost her—I’m still reconciling that.