I struggle with this one. It’s the stage of grief I don’t feel like I’ve fully felt. Which scares me a little, likes it’s lurking inside and will erupt all at once. Or, maybe I’m just not an angry person. Joe felt the anger enough for both of us. OR, maybe it does appear in the way I treat those closes to me on occasion. When everything gets crazy hectic and it doesn’t feel like you can stop and breathe, then your child does something so utterly frustrating that it finally releases. On him. My gift. My living child that I never want to take for granted, and feel gratitude for every day that he is here because his sister is not. So, maybe my grief reaction just comes in a different form than I think it will.
Or, maybe some of his misbehavior is actually a grief response for him as well.
I do remember some anger over Eva when I would tell myself on the bathroom floor, “They’re going to take her away from me.” I never was entirely sure who “they” were. I didn’t feel anger at the doctors or the Divine, THEY was an imaginary someone I guess I created to be mad at.
So now that I write this out I recognize anger has been subtly around, and I can let go of the fear of future eruption.