Miscarriage

I shared my miscarriage on social media three years ago, and I call bullshit on some of my positive attitude in this post. I was still numb, and had never experienced grief to that magnitude. The next year and half was hard, and sad, and confusing, and isolating, and frustrating. It was also transformative, as I learned a lot about myself and my husband. It prepared us for the loss of Eva. This reflection business teaches me so much. The photo above does not match the words below. It was Max’s first day of kindergarten, and I was actively miscarrying. I' m not the type to stop reaching for the light, but true emotions can't be denied. When we allow space to feel them, that's when the healing begins.

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I debated on this post… But, we share our good times on here so why not the bad too? I really feel others can learn from our experiences. Sadly, our little family experienced a miscarriage last week. I was only six weeks along, but it hurt nonetheless because it means broken dreams. We have learned so much from this process. And the fact that a quarter of all pregnancies end this way makes me sad for all the women before me. Yes, we had told Max about the pregnancy and he was so looking forward to being a big brother. Even though it was a lot for a 5-year-old to handle, I don’t regret our decision because it’s another huge life lesson that he has learned. It taught him to be sympathetic to me, and even though he had his moments, he was gentle and understood the process was hard on all of us. Of course the words “NO FAIR” have run through our heads and out of our mouths. But I’m not angry for I know there is a bigger plan for us. At some point we will look back and say, “Aha! That’s why events happened as they did. Now it makes sense.” Some of my friends have said how optimistic I sound and how you wouldn’t even know I was going through this struggle. I take that as a compliment because although we should mourn and allow our feelings to flow freely, we also shouldn’t allow things to completely swallow us and get absorbed in the sadness.

I say all this not looking for sympathy, but for the space to speak my truth. To be an example of living in light and trusting what the universe has in store for us. This whole experience has been an incredible spiritual awakening for me. It’s taught me that I am much stronger than I realized. I’m thankful for the yoga training I received, don’t know where I’d be without it, because it has provided me with lessons and tools to handle bad times like this. There will always be storms, it’s how you choose to weather them. The support we have received from our friends and family that knew has been the biggest blessing from all this!

Life goes on and we will enjoy each day that we’re given, and hopefully when the time is right our family will be complete. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason.

Peace and love!! <3